


All Riled Up

by banana654321



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jicheol, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 23:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9263972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banana654321/pseuds/banana654321
Summary: Jihoon needed to break free from his feelings. Jihoon, needless to say, wanted Seungcheol for himself. Jihoon, all in all, is torn.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking of making this fluffy and funny, just like that scene on Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo. I also wanted to go with "You Die, I Kill You" as a title because I laughed way too freaking hard because of the line from WFKBJ.
> 
> However, Choi Seungcheol is cancelled and I am not a Jicheol shipper anymore. I kid, I can't do it. But I have a lot of angst feels and this were my feelings rolled into another crappy fanfic. Forgive me for wasting your time, but please go ahead and indulge.
> 
> Unedited. Please read at your own risk.

Jihoon felt crap when he sat down in his studio after a long day of work, don’t get him wrong, he enjoys what he’s doing. Performing and meeting and interacting with fans was hell of a fun for Jihoon. He loved getting this chance to talk to them and make them smile even in a very simple way.

However, what he hated was having to share. He knew that it was a bad idea to fall in love with a teammate, more so, a person he basically considers as his own family. His head throbbed at the memory, massaging his temples a little, Jihoon groaned.

“Fuck, I feel terrible,” he mumbled to himself.

He pulled the drawer open and snatched the bottle of aspirin, popping a tablet in his mouth and swallowing it dry, he sighed and rested his head on his the table, cushioned by his arms. The studio lacked the normal solace that Jihoon found in it. It felt foreign to be inside the studio after such a long schedule but he needed to get away. Away from the source of this internal battle he has going on.

“God, I should just break up with him, it’s not doing us any good like this,” Jihoon said to no one in particular. Or maybe he was talking to the stuffed toys that occupied the left of his studio, sitting prettily on top of his newly gifted mixer. He felt stupid either ways.

Jihoon knew all too well that he’s the one who needed his partner more, not the other way around. And if he did decide to break up, he’ll be the one who’d have a much harder time, both emotionally and socially. Jihoon, despite his efforts, isn’t exactly a person who you’d get comfortable with, his walls are built too high up that no one was able to penetrate, except for one.

A single knock interrupted Jihoon’s thoughts, and Jihoon can feel his heart beat faster, he knew who this is and it shook him to his core. He felt his head pulsate, more painful now. He remained silent, hoping that the person on the other side of the door would take a hint and leave.

“Jihoon, I know you’re in there, I asked the guard downstairs and he said you’re in the building,” Seungcheol’s voice echoed from outside.

“Go away!” Jihoon shouted, an irrational monster in him had awakened. Seungcheol’s voice sounded sad and it pissed Jihoon because who does he think he is? How does he manage to make Jihoon feel guilty for feeling bad?

“Jihoon, you’re clearly upset about something, talk to me, come on, honey,” Seungcheol pleaded from outside.

“I swear to god hyung!” Jihoon slammed his hand on the table so loud that Seungcheol had probably heard it.

 _Hyung,_ Seungcheol had thought. Jihoon never used hyung with him unless it was on broadcast. _Hyung_ , it echoed on Seungcheol’s head.

“Jihoon, please baby, don’t hurt your hands,” Seungcheol spoke through the locked door.

“Then please leave me alone, I’ll be back in the dorms after I sorted it out,” Jihoon’s voice lower this time, he’s spent and tired, and his headache wasn’t getting any better.

“Okay,” Seungcheol said, his tone defeated.

Jihoon sighed in relief but he felt anger bubble up inside him even more, “He just gave up, just like that,” he heard himself saying.

“I can’t fucking understand what I want!” Jihoon laughed at himself but it sounded empty. “Wow, I’ve reached a rather new low, just plain fucking wow, Lee Jihoon.”

Wanting to silence all the thoughts that Jihoon had in his mind, he fired up his computer and decided to work on their songs, pulling his headphones from the rack, he puts it on and silenced the world outside. Playing with beats and instruments, adjusting speed and blending melodies to create a new song, he tried to shut his thoughts but it kept on replaying over and over and over.

It was endless, he was going crazy with all of it, really.

“God fucking damn it,” he hissed under his breath as he closed his eyes.

The incident from earlier played so clear in his mind, Seungcheol pulling Jeonghan down the stage but instead Jeonghan had clung unto Seungcheol. Seungcheol trying to throw down Jeonghan but instead it looked like they’re some newlywed couple couldn’t get their hands off of each other.

Jihoon shook his head, an attempt to discard the image.

But it was replaced by another one, Seungcheol leaning in to Jeonghan, whispering something, it looked so intimate.

“Jihoon, concentrate,” he tried to remind himself.

And then another memory had flashed, it was so clear that Jihoon could still hear the fans chanting for Jeonghan and Seungcheol, while they recreated a scene from Titanic.

Jihoon wanted to shut the memories out, he heard ringing in his ears and he realized that the volume of the headphones were set into a maximum. He tapped on the keyboard and lowered it down but the ringing didn’t stop.

Jihoon was dizzy from it all. He’s not sure if it’s the loud music, or if it’s the memories, or maybe, he’s just plain crazy and his brain is ready to let go.

But what irked Jihoon more than what he’s feeling is that he had already discussed these with Seungcheol. He knew that it was all for play but Jihoon couldn’t get wrap his head in the idea that he has to share Seungcheol. He sounded possessive but he couldn’t help it, not with Jeonghan in the picture. He was the closest person to Seungcheol next to Jihoon. And Jihoon couldn’t shake the idea that Seungcheol had settled with Jihoon because he was comfortable.

He knew that he wasn’t exceptionally handsome, unlike Jeonghan. His height was also something he’s insecure about. Add to that, that Jeonghan knows Seungcheol better because he was a same-aged friend.

He looked into the mirror in his work station, he looked at his reflection, eyes intent on himself.

“Just fucking end it with him already Jihoon, don’t torture yourself like this. You deserve better!” He said to himself, “Break up and let him be happy with whoever he damn well choose!”

“Jihoon, you’re better off! No more complicated thoughts, no memories haunting you, no more need to overthink. Focus on writing better music,” He said to his reflection, pep talking himself into deciding, once and for all.

“I’m right, this shouldn’t even be something you’d hesitate to do, come on!” Jihoon took a deep breath and he felt his heart lighten. He closed down the computer and removed his headphones, finally coming to terms with his decision.

And then he heard it, sniffling, a muffled sniffling.

He pulled open the door and he saw Seungcheol almost falling back as he leaned on the already pulled open door.

“Are you going to break up with me?” Seungcheol sniffled.

“Why are you here, hyung?” Jihoon felt his heart tug, Seungcheol looked like he was crying for some time now.

“I…” Seungcheol trailed off, having difficulty forming words.

“Stand up,” Jihoon had pulled Seungcheol’s arm, helping him stand.

“I’m sorry Jihoon-ah,” Seungcheol hiccupped.

Jihoon had pulled Seungcheol inside the studio and sat him down on the sofa, “Stay here, I’m going to get water,” Jihoon instructed Seungcheol like a child.

When Jihoon came back, Seungcheol was a little more decent, his tear-stained cheeks were still there but at least he wasn’t crying anymore.

“Wipe your tears, come on, then drink this,” Jihoon had offered Seungcheol some tissue but when he didn’t move, he took it to himself to do it for his partner.

“At least drink this, Seungcheol, come on,” Jihoon had coaxed, his hand guiding Seungcheol’s as he tried to get a sip of water.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Seungcheol had asked Jihoon again.

“How long have you been outside?” Jihoon ignored Seungcheol’s question.

“A little over 2 hours? I’m not sure. From the start,” Seungcheol said. “Are you going to break up with me?” He asked again.

“What did you hear?” Jihoon asked again.

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol looked forlorn.

“What did you hear?” Jihoon reiterated.

“Silence… Frustration… Sadness… Everything,” Seungcheol offered. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“No, Seungcheol, I’m not. I wanted to. I really do, but I can’t,” Jihoon sighed.

“If you’re staying out of pity, please don’t,” Seungcheol said, his voice withdrawn.

“Maybe, but not because I pity you. I pity myself, I fucking can’t do this Seungcheol,” Jihoon’s voice was resigned. “I can’t watch you like this, I mean, okay, I get it, I don’t own you but I want to…” Jihoon tried to explain.

“I’m sorry Jihoon,” Seungcheol said again.

“You’re being unfair Seungcheol!” Jihoon shouted in frustration.

“I’m really sorry,” Seungcheol shook his head, as if in denial.

Jihoon’s hands balled into a fist, his frustration overflowing. “I’m really really tired of having to share you with anyone Seungcheol, especially Jeonghan! I’m not a patient man, and you know this and yet I get tested every single time! If you’re unhappy with me and you want Jeonghan, just fucking end it with me Cheol, let’s not play games anymore,” Jihoon said, his voice louder than his normal tone.

“I love you Ji,” Seungcheol exhaled.

“But is that enough?” Jihoon sounded resigned.

“For me yes,” Seungcheol answered.

“You’re unfair Seungcheol, really really really unfair,” Jihoon felt his knees give out, he fell to the floor, tired from everything. “I’m angry at you for even letting that happen but I’m angrier at myself for doubting us when you’ve never really given me a reason to.”

“I’m frustrated with you because you do know how this affects me and yet you still do it, but I can’t even blame you for it, we sold our lives to the public and what they want, they get. I’m frustrated with the people for wanting that. But most of all I’m frustrated with myself. I can’t even be mad at you, I made my decision to just end this and yet here I am, in the same exact internal battle of letting myself free and making myself happy. They’re not mutually exclusive, I’ve realized. My resolve crumbled the moment I saw you,” Jihoon explained.

“I’ll make this easier for you then, do you want to break up with me?” Seungcheol asked.

“Yes.” Jihoon answered simply.

“Then I wish you happiness, Jihoon,” Seungcheol smiled sadly at Jihoon, like a final goodbye.

“That’d be impossible, I told you Seungcheol, it’s not mutually exclusive,” Jihoon had his face buried in his palms.

“I get my freedom, I lose my happiness. I keep my happiness, I lose my freedom,” Jihoon explained.

“Then what would you choose now? Your freedom or your happiness?” Seungcheol probed.

“Just please come and hug me, I feel like I’m going to break and lose it if you don’t,” Jihoon sighed in defeat.

“Jihoon,” Seungcheol had whispered as he reached for Jihoon, embracing him tight.

“My mouth tasted something bitter when Jeonghan clung to you earlier, I got annoyed and extremely jealous, I’m sorry,” Jihoon mumbled.

“I love you, okay?” Seungcheol tried to reassure Jihoon.

“I don’t think that’s enough for me, Cheol. I understand that Jeonghan is your friend but keep your hands off of each other,” Jihoon hissed as he remembered how lovey dovey the two looked earlier.

Seungcheol had to laugh, “Okay,” he uttered, relief flooded in his system.

“Seungcheol,” Jihoon had called out to his partner.

“Hmm?” Seungcheol pulled away to look at Jihoon.

“I’m sorry for making you cry,” Jihoon cupped Seungcheol’s face and slowly caressed his cheeks with his thumbs. “You big baby,” Jihoon had pulled Seungcheol, planting a chaste kiss on Seungcheol’s lips. “I love you.”

 “As I do, Jihoon, as I do. I love you and I’m sorry for making you doubt yourself, for making you question your own feelings, for making you vulnerable like this. I’m really sorry. But thank you for loving me, and for letting me love you. Thank you for allowing me to become your greatest weakness as well as strength, as you are mine. I really do love you Jihoonie, from the bottom of my heart. I only grow more and more in love with you every day and I hope for that as well,” Seungcheol had confessed.

“I can’t top that but I’m glad we’re on the same page, Cheollie, I’m happy. You’re my happiness,” Jihoon teared up a little, as he looked at Seungcheol in the eyes. He saw what Jeonghan would never see, love. Love so intimate it shook the Earth’s core, love so pure it couldn’t compare to purest of whites, love so passionate the blazing fires were put to shame, love so strong that it held the shambles of the universe together.

Jihoon wasn’t free but he was happy for now and that’s okay. They’d take each problem one at a time. They’d prove the world forever even if it took them a lifetime.

**Author's Note:**

> HAHAHAHA I am cancelled as well! I'm sorry, you have been warned, it was crappy. This was written while I was half awake, and the feels and everything doesn't match up. Sue me. I'm quitting writing. Huhu. Jk.
> 
> Bye Jicheol!


End file.
